Tuesday, September 6, 2016

How to Love When Choked by Lies

There’s nothing you can do when someone you love chooses to not tell you the truth.

The only thing that might give it away, is “the distance” lies create - if you feel it - and recognize it is not something else. That takes time.

It takes maturity – several go arounds of this life stuff AND arriving at being sufficiently based in “what isness”, to know: “It’s not me, it’s him/her”.

Since it feels “wrong” to be separated by wedgy emptiness, you might start to remediate it by filling the void, throwing more virgins into the chasm to close the gap.

Or, after that feels no better, you might begin picking at debris lying around the crater ridge, kicking up the dust of your inadequacy and loneliness, begin actually dancing the craziness of self-consciousness under the glare of inquisition – making yourself crazy. 

At some point, hopefully, you will notice this. You will then decide to end distress, and being a mensch, will think to bring your “problem” to the liar – with nothing to lose – the relationship already dead.

Hopefully, you will go with this approach sooner than later. Either that or continue to suffer. Oh God no.

To go the direct route, speak only your feelings of separateness, frustration, incomprehension, and need to stop kicking up self-consciousness dust. Your job is to end this, just letting the liar know, get clear.

If the liar is lying because of a silly shame or other fear-based ignorance of your unconditional love, your vulnerable declaration of pain and inability to take another step forward may result in their blurted out avowal of what they could not speak, you will be in each others arms, with compassion flowing all around.

If they are a stone cold liar, they will not budge. It’s dead. You will get your afternoon back and no longer feel bad.

In the first case, with love, the relationship deepens, richer, assured and reset with unconditional acceptance/love.

In the second case, you’ve done your best. Though the person isn’t real or “worth it”, you can pray for them to “get it” and “get honest”, “best practice” in any case.

Love directs one to do the right thing when one doesn’t know what the right thing is.

Follow that and be free, no matter what.

Saturday, May 23, 2015

Yes, It's All True

5/23/2015 a friend emails a recent, disastrous tarot card reading report without explanation. Though I don’t believe in tarot reading, it lays out the same warnings and realities I have seen and warned about for nigh 40 years.  My friend though, insists on opposing his own understanding of how to live in harmony with God, himself and others. He holds to his IDEAS, even as he drowns, seeks soothsayers for help. Though he suffers, he will not change course. To do? I know nothing about what is his to do or not to do. I cannot agree, but can understand. I Nearing 60, I’ve distilled some being hints. First and last I can offer is: it is

ALL True

True is constant change. Incarnation in the waters of "life" allows every each to either drown in what ends and is therefore False (not True), or work to recognize, swim-to and unite-with True (Generative/Universal/Ineradicable/Perpetual) more or less.

Hint: A “proof of concept” cartoon of this can be viewed at "conception" (aptly named!). We do not have such a cartoon of “death” – though explicit reports are extant, and the concepts appear similar, but not the contexts.

Life seems a very "controlled" experiment, with an infinite number of complex interactions encouraged, over an unknowable amount of time, at an unimaginable scale, and punctuated by beginnings and endings. We don’t know why. True is not us. The hypothesis guiding our turn on the experimental bench appears to be: Humans Want to Know True.

Hint: Human thinking/feeling/doing is not equal to True, though perhaps scenting, tracking and imitating it is “trueing”. Other life forms may serve as experimental controls (known and reliable).

The human being life experiment may be to understand being “afloat” and “ready to go” at the clear, solute-free, open end of life rather than entrapped in dense sediments at the closed end of things when one’s life force stops ("death").

Hint: Wisdom favors time devoted to experience and the contemplative practice of corrections one learns are important.

Life’s experimental conditions appear skewed towards an ideal outcome: they favor our success (∞ amazing!).  Needed * resources are all present, and most learning errors are encouraged.

Hint: * Needed: essential to life process.

As fully immersed experimental subjects, we grasp only a gist of All. Our unique life "reagents" and the capacities these engender or hinder are True limits. Overall, individual differences encourage, then reveal "creative" adaptations and increase or decrease all our chances for attaining unity with True. The clearest solutions may not be significant. Floating prematurely but dead is. Process trumps conclusion.

Hint: Impulse toward True is hardwired in us (relief, happiness, health, well-being, surprise, laughter, letting-go signal us when we near or engage in True).

Being {extravagantly and conveniently} equips us to perceive many ways; sensually; abstraxtly discerning "truthness vs falseness" qualities like "value" and "prefer"; intuiting True experiences; assembling ideas and resources to focus understanding upon True realizations. Being is an open book to read, eat and breathe, think and feel our way to True with.

Hint: Swimming naked in now, popping through the here/there "surface tension" of "me" into All True produces joy. Becoming all-in “Yes” to All I AM is its own reward.
Further, we learn vicariously (as the human struggle to “get this” has increased, available source material has also increased exponentially - from family and tribe, to neighbors, to books, to TED Talks and You Tube etc.); repair spontaneously; can be repaired by others if/when we seek help (all kinds available), and have copious open-source how-to examples of True every where. 

Hint: Materialism is false, void of True. Those tantalized, cling to rafts of illusory "goods" and feel aloft on clouds of success though they mire in killing sludge.

Finally, we have exquisitely sensitive warning systems to prevent our making crucial mistakes, or change course (“gut”, heart, breath, glucose rate awareness; pain; bleeding; panic; anxiety; depression; psychosis etc.). We ignore, “over”, fail to learn from these to our peril.

Hint: Everybody knows True is direct and seems “simple” upon discovery. You know it. No belief needed. It is often difficult to explain or prove to those who do not know it and do not want to. (Argument is not-understanding. Denial can't).

Though some choose to control or suck life from others in order to “not do their own work”, these obvious cheaters, are unable to "get it". They try to ensure no one else gets what they do not have, thereby defining this experiment’s "null" set. Their strategies catalog failed life. 

Hint: If and How we seek and align-with True is the "life" success variable. There is no excuse, each and ALL knows what is up.

Constant unity is what is most striking about True. There is no unknown or more or less, or me or you. All is True is All in All. Our awareness and response to All we have clearly been given is the main event,  

Hint: See what happens. Can you remain “deadpan”?

ALL True

Thursday, January 1, 2015

This Ocean or Puzzle Pieces

Way before there was now, the same came through in other forms...
    Some sea shells on the beach, pick em up and hope to reach...

"Return to Forever" singing Chick Corea; Metheny; Weather Report; Davis Les McCann

So then today I scrabble together the following, a message in a bottle reply to a comment dropped half a year ago into now


at a long ago left beach, returned to for no particular reason today,
like summer visitors see long ago shells for the first time
I come upon an unexpected one I had no idea was on my beach
to listen to
and laugh at me at the thought
I ever believed I knew or could ever know why or how or what
well enough to expect anything or be disappointed.

An ocean's piled drops of life given terms for being as one is, the only one of this experience
enduring this singularity in consilience.

Say what with your name on it.

Got to make it real...

Hear On This - nothin new under the sun

Mommadiddy o Rap: Les McCann and Eddie Harris
Album: Swiss Movement; Compared to What, 1969

hear/see at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MzvlivbptXk

I love the lie and lie the love
A-Hangin' on, with push and shove
Possession is the motivation
that is hangin' up the God-damn nation
Looks like we always end up in a rut (everybody now!)
Tryin' to make it real — compared to what? C'mon baby!
Slaughterhouse is killin' hogs
Twisted children killin' frogs
Poor dumb rednecks rollin' logs
Tired old lady kissin' dogs
I hate the human, love that stinking mutt (I can't use it!)
Try to make it real — compared to what? C'mon baby now!
The President, he's got his war
Folks don't know just what it's for
Nobody gives us rhyme or reason
Have one doubt, they call it treason
We're chicken-feathers, all without one nut. God damn it!
Tryin' to make it real — compared to what? (Sock it to me)
Church on Sunday, sleep and nod
Tryin' to duck the wrath of God
Preacher's fillin' us with fright
They all tryin' to teach us what they think is right
They really got to be some kind of nut (I can't use it!)
Tryin' to make it real — compared to what?
Where's that bee and where's that honey?
Where's my God and where's my money?
Unreal values, crass distortion
Unwed mothers need abortion
Kind of brings to mind ol' young King Tut (He did it now)
Tried to make it real — compared to what?!
(Music break)
Tryin' to make it real — compared to what?

Sunday, February 16, 2014

Return to Forever (thank you CC)

Wanted to share some thoughts I was having today about this life journey with you...
We are each undoing (or continuing to do) what was done to us by others before we knew the difference between our and their self.

We come into life as the being we were made to be, ready to love.

Then the conditions for our acceptance by others took us to where those led, and we veered "off" our path, onto the path others set for us.

Over time, unless we are truly blessed with only extremely aware and sensitive caregivers,
some of us get really lost, thoroughly confused, and fall into response and living patterns completely at variance with our real self (into anger, sadness, anxiety etc.).

Much of this happens very early, pre consciously, and is repeated in so many interactions for so long that we come to think / feel "this is me", as do those around us (who really can't know "who is in there" about anyone other than maybe themselves), but who  then reinforce the understanding they have come up with - their schema- (as do we all) "making up" their ideas and patterns about us and them as reality...tah dah...fini "original beingness". In most cases, life becomes a shadow dance of the "who we are supposed to bes" to be  acceptable/ loved and survive wherever we "landed" at birth.

Amazingly, we can return to square one if we remember to...called and then working with everything we have to return, like salmon, back to our original being waters...finally regaining our lives, re-immersed in original love, without conditionality, reunited with complete comprehension of who and how and why we are, as me is.

Such is the call of spirit, the promise of love...we can be one, as one, unlimitedly.

Here's a good one about all this stuff with a quote from Mary Oliver...lol..Love

Who You Truly Are

Sunday, February 16, 2014

Your True Self is who you objectively are from the beginning, in the mind and heart of God, “the face you had before you were born,” as the Zen masters say. It’s who you were before you did anything right or anything wrong. It is your substantial self, your absolute identity, which can be neither gained nor lost by any technique, group affiliation, morality, or formula whatsoever. The surrendering of our false self, which we have usually taken for our absolute identity, yet is merely a relative identity, is the necessary suffering needed to find “the pearl of great price” that is always hidden inside this lovely but passing shell. 1
I think the only and single purpose of religion is to lead you to an experience of your True Self in God. Every sacrament, every Bible, every church service, every song, every bit of priesthood or ceremony or liturgy is, as far as I’m concerned, for one purpose: to allow you to experience your True Self, who you are in God and who God is in you. Only healthy religion is prepared to point you beyond the merely psychological self to the cosmic, to the universal, and to the Absolute. Only great religion is prepared to realign, re-heal, reconnect and reposition you inside of “the family of things” as Mary Oliver calls it. 2

1. Adapted from Falling Upward: A Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life,
         p. 86
2. Adapted from True Self / False Self, disc 2 (CD)
                                                                                              Fr. Rohr, CAC.org