How to Love When Choked by Lies
There’s nothing you can do when someone you love chooses to not tell you the truth.
The only thing that might give it away, is “the distance” lies create - if you feel it - and recognize it is not something else. That takes time.
It takes maturity – several go arounds of this life stuff AND arriving at being sufficiently based in “what isness”, to know: “It’s not me, it’s him/her”.
Since it feels “wrong” to be separated by wedgy emptiness, you might start to remediate it by filling the void, throwing more virgins into the chasm to close the gap.
Or, after that feels no better, you might begin picking at debris lying around the crater ridge, kicking up the dust of your inadequacy and loneliness, begin actually dancing the craziness of self-consciousness under the glare of inquisition – making yourself crazy.
At some point, hopefully, you will notice this. You will then decide to end distress, and being a mensch, will think to bring your “problem” to the liar – with nothing to lose – the relationship already dead.
Hopefully, you will go with this approach sooner than later. Either that or continue to suffer. Oh God no.
To go the direct route, speak only your feelings of separateness, frustration, incomprehension, and need to stop kicking up self-consciousness dust. Your job is to end this, just letting the liar know, get clear.
If the liar is lying because of a silly shame or other fear-based ignorance of your unconditional love, your vulnerable declaration of pain and inability to take another step forward may result in their blurted out avowal of what they could not speak, you will be in each others arms, with compassion flowing all around.
If they are a stone cold liar, they will not budge. It’s dead. You will get your afternoon back and no longer feel bad.
In the first case, with love, the relationship deepens, richer, assured and reset with unconditional acceptance/love.
In the second case, you’ve done your best. Though the person isn’t real or “worth it”, you can pray for them to “get it” and “get honest”, “best practice” in any case.
Love directs one to do the right thing when one doesn’t know what the right thing is.
Follow that and be free, no matter what.